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24-year-old illegal suspected of committing heinous sex crimes against child on multiple occasions

“This is a record low for the Democratic Party in terms of favorability,” says pollster Mark Penn.

“Over the past month, we’ve confirmed an all-star team of warriors, patriots, visionaries who put the America First agenda into action,” says 47th president at CPAC.

At present rates, Trump will deport less than two million people across his full four-year term, or one tenth of the number he promised to deport during the election campaign

“President Trump will end up wiping them off the face of the earth,” he says.

Pope Francis “is more unwell than yesterday,” the Vatican says in statement, revealing he’s suffered a “prolonged asthma-like respiratory crisis.”